Richard Preston Heiner

Oh FETCH, I’m dead! My annual bucket list has been to celebrate my next birthday, since I turned 70. Looks like this is the year my bucket had a hole in it. Oh well, hell. Old age sucks big time anyway. But I would have preferred one more season of lounging by the pool :) I have been doing battle with some heavyweights in the last few years, like Parkinsons, COPD, Diabetes, and Alcohol. The warm up card being PAD (peripheral artery disease) and CRS (can’t remember shit). Looks like they ganged up on me, but it took years to knock me out!

I was born a po little Mormon boy on a frosty, early Monday morning January 29, 1945 to Vera and Preston Heiner. I have two older and wiser sisters, Shirley Harwood Rooks (deceased) and Barbara Curtis; and three younger unwiser brothers; Mark, Scott, and Paul. I was the only black sheep in the family, but always welcomed in the flock. (Thanks guys).

At seventeen I tasted the forbidden fruit and found it delicious. At eighteen and ½ I graduated from East High after being voted the “person most likely to get a girl pregnant” and joined the USAF. I served four years, and was stationed at SAC (Strategic Air Command) Beale Air Force base in northern California, the Home of the B52 Bomber, KC135 Refueling Plane and the SR71 reconnaissance (spy) plane, nicknamed “blackbird”. Cool Beans. It was there my first born beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, boy (tribute to John Lennon), Rory was born.

Divorced after about 6 years, I spent the next 7 years in a somewhat hedonistic lifestyle, while attending Stevens Heneger business college and then graduating from Westminster College. My stellar career included working as Credit Manager for EIMCO Mining Co. and many moons at the original Galigher Pump Co. as Credit and Treasury Manager and then Marketing Services Manager (from a bean counter to a bean maker).

My greatest and proudest accomplishment in life are my two sons, Rory and Jarrod. They look a lot like their father, both devilishly handsome. They have blessed me with lovely and intelligent daughters-in-law Sarah and Maya, and three very cool grandkids; Kyle, Adriana, and Isaac. (Sorry for the way my generation left our planet guys. Good luck.)

The best and luckiest thing that ever happened in my life was when a beautiful young lady, Christina Royel Lamph, walked into my office in a short skirt (or a long jacket) for a job interview in the early seventies. After a few years of courtship, she agreed to add Heiner to her name and we began our marriage adventure together in 1975. She has been a fantastic companion. Beautiful, intelligent, humorous, hardworking, compassionate, generous, and passionate. She once asked me during our careers, if I minded if she ever
made more money than me. I replied “as long as it was a lot more.” And it came to pass that I was able to semi-retire from the corporate rat race in my mid-sixties and work part time at various jobs that I wanted. (Shout out to the Rio Management Group.) So, thank you Christy, my love, for taking such good care of me all these years. Especially these last few, where my grumpy, geezer-ness was in full bloom. You were able to dance rainbows with and around me in both rain and sunshine. I will miss you a lot. If there was reincarnation, I would be a cat in your lap :)

A special goodbye also to some close friends, whom I assume are still vertical and will miss my wit and wisdom: Shauna Gygi Forsyth, Linda Pia (widow of my BFF Frank), Terry Palmer, Eric Christensen, Ron Hunn and Ralph Anderson. If I missed anyone, remember I also had CRS disease. I also hung out a lot with Jack and Jim and I apologize to anyone I may have offended, other than myself. They were a bad influence at times.

I believe every one of us has had their share of “woulda, coulda, shoulda,” moments. If a had my life to live over again – I wouldn’t have the strength. Also, all of the mistakes I made were apparently the right mistakes because I’ve been living large for quite a while now lounging by the pool with beautiful people, good food, top shelf whiskey, and a lot of good times.

I don’t know if there is a hereafter, but I hope so. And if there is, I hope God has a good sense of humor and will pardon my transgressions. So, to all the good peeps I have had in my life, thank you for your good advice, understanding, friendship and love. Peace out. RPH

Please join us for a celebration of life on Thursday, February 13 from 6-8 M at Starks Funeral Parlor, 3651 South 900 East, Salt Lake City. Guests are encouraged to use parking and entrance located on the north side of the building.

In lieu of flowers, please donate to the Humane Society: https://www.utahhumane.org/.